Life without income…

In August I was officially unemployed for 2 years, no income at all.  I’m very thankful for family because I do have a roof over my head!  I have SNAP and Medicaid that feeds me (not all month but a fair portion of it), and I have my needed meds.  I have Ankylosing Spondylitis and genetic high blood pressure. It’s a mild case but still painful to sleep and move in the morning.  I’m not overweight and I eat pretty healthy compared to most of the people I know.  The high blood pressure thing is confusing to most because of that (even doctors)…weird.  My other half was recently diagnosed with some type of leukemia.  Doctors are still figuring out the type?!  Last year he had Epstein Barre (Chronic Fatigue) and has lingering issues with that, hence where this came from…sigh 😦 

I have decided to continue with my education and finish my B/S in Business-Human Resources.  I wish I knew that I would be unemployed for 2 years and applied way back when.  Hindsight?!  

I think the most unenjoyable part of being a “broke ass” is when someone ask you to do something for them you can’t say, “No”. Everyone figures you’re not doing “anything” you can do what they ask…I get it.  But it makes me feel like what I do do is “nothing” (worthless).  I look for jobs and apply everyday, 7 days a week. I do surveys to make a couple bucks or earn gift cards for free stuff.  Honestly, it is not much but that helps for things like shampoo, soap, lotion, etc. I sign up for free samples of everything I can find!  I enter contest in hopes of big winnings!  I won a coffee pot and a years worth of coffee! Yeah, me!  I still have laundry, shopping for food, doctors appointments, etc.  The difference is I have to figure how to get there (a ride or borrow someone’s car),  I have to figure out how to pay for things, most people I know don’t need to plan like that, they just get in their cars and go,  I have to look for things of mine to sell on ebay or craigslist.  I don’t have much that is worth money.  I have sold most of my good jewelery since I don’t have a job to wear it to.  I have sold clothes that I don’t need for dressing up and going out.  I can’t do that anymore.  

I love listening to people bitch about their jobs…wow, do you think I want to hear that?!  I have been understanding but I have finally told a few people to just stop talking about those things to me.  My suggestion to them was look for another job!  Geesh, STFU & be happy you’re not me!  LOL!!!  I’ve tweaked my resume, read endless articles about what to say, how to act at interviews, what to wear (I’m usually better dressed than the person interviewing me, maybe that is an issue?),  articles on older women in the work place, etc.   I feel that after 20+ years in the work place that I’m all washed up?  In 1989 I made more an hour than what I’ve been offered in 2014.  How can I start over (buy a car, afford insurance, gas, rent, utilities, etc.) at $9-$10 an hour?   

I feel lost and alone most of the time even when people are around me.  I don’t fit in, I have nothing to talk about, no one ever asks how it’s going lately because nothing has changed in 2 years…sigh 😦 


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